Oh, the funnies…

So I got to my computer this morning and, as many people do, flicked on Facebook. Only, to my horror, everyone was raving about the first trailer for the new Twilight saga movie Breaking Dawn Part 1. I want to admit up front that, out of a morbid curiosity for the storyline (and because Vampire/Werewolf fiction is normally pretty badass, but in this case proved how wrong I could be), I have read all the books. Cover to cover. Yes, I know, you may be saying right now “Why do that? Why waste the time? Are you a girl??” No. But, its better to have read them and know what you’re talking about than just outrightly disliking them. Anyway, this is besides the point…

I went straight to IMDB and checked out the trailer after the disappointingly mundane last film to see how they’d handle the level of raunchyness of this book. SPOILER ALERT FOR ANYONE THAT CARES – there is a lot of Vampire sex on the honeymoon. Oh, yeah, and no Vampire contraceptives either. I’m not exactly what constitutes a Vampire contraceptive really… perhaps something made of garlic or silver?… Anyway, the result is that the shockingly empty vessel that is Bella gets up the duff. Funny? This is just the start.

The trailer, first of all, shows part of the first love-making scene. Yes, you heard, a full on love-making scene in a 12A MOVIE. WHAT?! How will they handle that? Now, forgetting the inappropriateness of it for a second, it does open up opportunity for plenty of bad jokes on the title: Breaking Dawn Part 1 – Breaking Skin? Breaking Bella Part 1 – No Time for Contraceptives and Part 2 – Attack of the Stretchmarks? Feel free to chip in any time…

Secondly, the strapline is giving me no end of giggles. Let’s think about this closely for a second and think about how many films in a series can use the word “Begins” in a strapline for EACH film. That’s right, none. Except Twilight Saga. Let’s recap, shall we?:

New Moon: The Next Chapter Begins

Eclipse: It All Begins… With a Choice.

Breaking Dawn 1 – Breaking Bella’s Virginity: Forever is just The Beginning.

By this point, it does beg the question how many things is this series of films actually trying to start? But the question on everyones mind by this point is, more rightly, when will it stop? Am I being too critical, or is it time these films manned up a little? Discuss.

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4 Comments

  1. Okay, after reading this i HAD to watch the trailer. I noticed 2 different love scenes, and think its funny to go from them hardly kissing to getting it on every second. All the little kids who parents won’t let them come see the movie will never know how it ends! Now, is the baby a vampire? Because I think if it was it could either A. Kill her from inside, or B. Turn her into a vampire from inside. I don’t know if garlic or silver would work as birth control for a vampire, think of it, would Superman want cryptonite on his….ya know.I doubt it. But you must admit after writing a review about the trailer, I think you MUST go see it no matter how horrible it might be. Don’t forget the spoilers either 😉

    • I thought you had read the books?? You KNOW what happens to her! You read it, I’m sure you have! If you want me to spoil it for you, I will, because I know what happens and its stupid. And DONT EVEN BEGIN on the Kryptonite condom dilemma – this is exactly what Brody tried to tackle in Mallrats! And I’m not sure there will be all that much to spoil, to be honest, I know exactly the point they’ll end the film at guaranteed. The only surprise at this point is if they keep it going and milk the first half for all its worth. Breaking Dawn Part 2 – The end of an Era is the Beginning of a Franchise is the End of a Chapter is the Beginning again.

      • …yeah i NEVER finished the book. Was kinda slow. I had it with me at your house for 2 months and never read it. lol. Its on my shelf…but I’ll just see the movie. Save my reading time for better stuff.

      • Yeh, I wouldnt waste your time reading it really. I can basically tell you exactly what happens, and even the exact point in the book that they’ll split the two apart (pardon the virginity pun). It is a massive read for what it actually is.


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